 | | ISSUE Nº 007 · WEEK OF AUGUST 31, 2026 |
Scottie Scheffler won golf's season-long competition for the second time, and ten million dollars with it. Manchester United scored five goals, seven days after failing to score any. A team from Curaçao won the Little League World Series. Everything below is safe to repeat out loud.  | GOLF |
 | | SCOTTIE SCHEFFLER, PHOTOGRAPHED IN 2025, ALREADY AHEAD | | EXHIBIT A Scottie Scheffler won the FedEx Cup for the second time Scheffler won the Tour Championship at East Lake in Atlanta on Sunday, the last event of golf's three-week postseason. He finished at sixteen under par after rounds of 66 and 66 over the weekend, having started the final day two shots behind. The win carries the FedEx Cup and the ten million dollar bonus that comes with it. It is his second, which puts him with Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy as the only players to have won it more than once. Nineteen players began Sunday within five shots of the lead. He was two shots behind when the day started and ten million dollars ahead when it ended. PHOTO: BRYAN BERLIN / CC BY-SA 4.0 / WIKIMEDIA COMMONS |
 | SOCCER |
 | | OLD TRAFFORD, PHOTOGRAPHED IN 2006, BETWEEN GOALS | | EXHIBIT B Manchester United scored five, a week after failing to score at all Manchester United beat Ipswich Town 5-2 at home on Sunday. Last Saturday the same team lost 2-0 at Hull City, who had just been promoted from the division below, and did not manage a single goal. Ipswich were also promoted this summer. Elsewhere in the Premier League, Chelsea beat Brighton 4-3 in a game that produced seven goals between them, Sunderland took their first points of the season by beating Fulham 1-0, and Leeds drew 1-1 with Brentford. Seven days ago they could not score against a newly promoted team. On Sunday they scored five against another one. Consistency is clearly not the goal. PHOTO: ANDRÉ ZAHN / CC BY-SA 2.0 DE / WIKIMEDIA COMMONS |
 | BASEBALL |
 THE BASEBALL, TAKING THE UNDER-THIRTEENS SERIOUSLY | | EXHIBIT C Curaçao won the Little League World Series Curaçao, an island in the Caribbean, beat Henderson, Nevada 11-2 on Sunday in South Williamsport, Pennsylvania to win the Little League World Series, which is the world championship for twelve-year-olds. Juriënsly De Windt and Shardijon De Lanoi drove in six runs between them, and De Windt cleared the bases with a double in the fifth innings to settle it. It is Curaçao's second title. The announced crowd was 24,844. Nearly twenty-five thousand people turned up to watch twelve year olds play baseball, which is more than several professional teams manage on a good night. NO LICENSED PHOTO ON FILE. THE MASCOT WILL REPRESENT THE SPORT. |
 | FOOTBALL, AMERICAN |
 THE AMERICAN FOOTBALL, HOLDING THE LIST IT WARNED YOU ABOUT | | EXHIBIT D Every NFL team cut its roster from ninety players to fifty-three on Sunday American football teams carry ninety players through the summer and are allowed to keep fifty-three once the season starts. The cut had to be made by six o'clock on Sunday evening, which across thirty-two teams comes to 1,184 roster spots. The deadline sat on a Sunday this year for one reason: the San Francisco 49ers fly to Melbourne on Wednesday to play the Los Angeles Rams there on September 10, and the league wanted the paperwork finished first. Most of those players clear waivers on Monday afternoon and sign to a practice squad within days, which is a reserve roster that trains all season without playing. The whole league moved its deadline so that one team could catch a flight to Australia on time. NO LICENSED PHOTO ON FILE. THE MASCOT WILL REPRESENT THE SPORT. |
 | TENNIS |
 | | VENUS WILLIAMS, PHOTOGRAPHED AT THIS TOURNAMENT IN 2013 | | EXHIBIT E The US Open began, and Venus Williams is in it at 46 The US Open, the last of tennis's four major tournaments, started on Sunday in New York and runs a fortnight. Venus Williams was given a wild card, which is an invitation the tournament hands to a player who did not qualify on ranking alone, and drew Sofia Kenin in the first round. Williams is 46, and first won a match at this tournament in 1997. Novak Djokovic opened the evening session on the main court. The women's title is held by Aryna Sabalenka, who has won it twice running. She did not qualify for this tournament. Somebody decided to ask her instead. PHOTO: EDWIN MARTINEZ / CC BY 2.0 / WIKIMEDIA COMMONS |
 | THE BIG ONE |
 | | TADEJ POGAČAR, PHOTOGRAPHED IN 2020 | | EXHIBIT F Tadej Pogačar crashed out of the Tour of Spain Pogačar, who was leading the Vuelta a España by three minutes and fifty seconds, crashed heavily on Saturday's eighth stage about thirty kilometres from the finish. He fractured a bone in his neck and suffered a concussion, along with cuts to his face and shoulder that needed stitches, and withdrew from the race. It is the first time he has failed to finish a three-week race in ten attempts. Enric Mas of Spain now leads. Mas won Sunday's mountain stage but declined to wear the red leader's jersey at the ceremony afterwards, out of respect. The race continues to September 13. PHOTO: FILIP BOSSUYT / CC BY 2.0 / WIKIMEDIA COMMONS |
 | HOCKEY |
 | Nothing happened. You're welcome. Hockey is still between seasons. Training camps open in about three weeks. The department has nothing to report and no intention of inventing anything. |
 | ALSO FILED |
| ⚲ Formula 1: no racing this weekend. The Italian Grand Prix at Monza is next Sunday. | | ⚲ Basketball: the WNBA pauses on August 31 and does not restart until September 17, because most of its players are at a World Cup. | | ⚲ Golf, also: Rory McIlroy and Tommy Fleetwood finished the season without the bonus. They will be fine. | | ⚲ Cycling: the Tour of Spain has eleven days left and, as of Sunday night, a new leader who did not want the jersey. |
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